November - 2009

Dear Friend,

Here in November, many of us focus on bringing in the last of the harvest and preparing for Thanksgiving feasting.  This year, I am bringing an offering to the community table of Action on Purpose readers who may be considering some coaching – a 50% discount on fees to any reader who signs up by the end of 2009! See the News section below for details. I encourage each of you to think of something you can offer your community during this time of harvest and Thanksgiving.  

This Action On Purpose issue focuses on the psychology of prayer, with perspectives on how this powerful practice works and how it can help us.  Though not trained as clergy, I have had many opportunities to explore the use of prayer with clients who have been using it all their lives, as well as those exploring it for the first time.  I’d be interested in your comments on my observations! 

The purpose of this newsletter is to share with you simple and effective tools for personal, spiritual and professional growth.  I have used these tools in my own life, so I know their power as well as their challenges. I have also utilized them in more than thirty years of professional work with others as a life coach, educator and psychotherapist.  I offer them to you to try, adapt, and practice as methods to nurture your own growth.

Please send this issue to any friends who might be interested.  Also, I would welcome your thoughts or comments on this newsletter. Have a great month!

Warmly,

Natalie

Natalie@EldridgeWorks.com

P.S.  Interested in some support in clarifying your purpose or taking action on your purpose?  Contact me for a complimentary coaching call to explore whether coaching could help you reach your goals!  See the Special Discount Offer for readers in the “In the News” section below.

“Prayer is not asking. It is a longing of the soul.

It is daily admission of one's weakness.

It is better in prayer to have a heart without words

than words without a heart.”

~ Mahatma Gandhi

Common dictionary definitions of prayer include any “fervent request” (she prayed for good weather);“the thing requested” (a safe arrival home was his sole prayer); or as “The act of making a reverent petition to God, a god, or another object of worship.” More broadly, it is defined as “An act of communion” with an object of worship, such as in devotion, confession,praise, or thanksgiving.

Prayer is claimed by many religious traditions as a key practice for both understanding and healing ourselves and the world around us.  Methodologies, or theologies, for how to pray vary widely.  I want to draw our attention today to some of the central elements of prayer to help us reflect on how it has been or could be useful to us, and to craft our own unique practices.  It is interesting to note that according to a recent study by the Pew Forum, 75 percent of Americans report that they pray at least once a week, while only 39 percent say they attend a worship service once a week or more. It seems many folks use prayer independent from a specific community of worship.

To Whom do we Pray?

The element of prayer that defines it as a communion, a request, or a dialogue calls up an important question – “Whom do we pray to?”  The answer to this question defines the various theologies that make up the world religions and schools of philosophy.  I believe that our answers to this question are deeply individual and, at root, indescribable - just as those who believe in God have varying concepts about or experiences of God.  Other common answers for where we address our prayers may include:  our deceased parents or ancestors, a Great Spirit, the Force, an inner Wise One, the larger community in which we are embedded, or more specific energies such as those associated with a place (spirit of the mountain, or of the running waters).

As you reflect on your own experience of prayer, you might find that your “fervent wishes” are consistently sent to the same address, addressed to an unnamed recipient, or sent to various recipients at different times or for different sorts of requests.

The Process of Prayer

Reflecting on who we address our prayers to can help us reflect on the internal process of prayer. Prayer is experienced not just as a conversation, but as a sacred dialogue. The sacred is often experienced as a sense of respect and reverence for the larger systems and energies that govern our lives – things we may experience on some level but do not fully understand. Western exaltation of the individual has eroded the concept of the sacred to the extent that we believe we are in complete control of our lives. Maintaining the sacred, then, requires an acknowledgment that we do not govern the entire fabric of our lives, and that we are affected by larger systems and forces that we cannot control. Prayer is the addressing of these larger systems within which we live,whether this is understood as God, Nature, or various other beings or forces.  We can make an effort to work with these larger forces, as opposed to against them, without a need to define what these forces are.

So as prayer arises in us, we are acknowledging that we are not all-powerful, requiring a sense of humility and a willingness to communicate and cooperate with something beyond our usual sense of ourselves.  Often there is some kind of cleansing we may do before we pray in order to prepare for the sacred dialogue.  For some, it may involve physical cleansing(washing the hands or face), or a clearing of stimuli (creating a quiet and private space to pray), or a clearing of the mind by putting away certain thoughts and bringing forward other ones. Many common prayers have words that help us elevate certain thoughts,focus on them, and displace the more everyday chatter.

Actions such as bowing the head or folding the hands together can also express a feeling of humility and reverence, which prepares us for the sacred dialogue.  Particular ritual actions or the recitation of particular words can be enormously helpful in preparing us for prayer.  At the same time, the practice of prayer is really a communion of the heart.  I think of prayer as a kind of heart yoga, away of relaxing and opening the heart to a fuller communion with the forces in our lives.

Spontaneous and Intentional Prayer

Most people I have talked with, regardless of religious belief, say that they have experienced spontaneous prayer, with no conscious intent on their part.  This seems particularly likely in a time of great crisis or great joy.  Examples might include a prayer requesting relief from some great physical or emotional pain, or proclaiming a heartfelt gratitude at the beauty of a sunset, or the recognition of a narrow escape from some disaster. 

Prayer is also a process we can engage in with intention,and indeed this is how many of us learn about prayer from our families or religious traditions.  For readers who have been taught to pray as children, there may have been prescribed prayers and an assumed being to whom these prayers were addressed.  I have worked with many who have grown to disbelieve the power of the words or the direction of their childhood prayers,while feeling at a loss without the process of prayer – a tough dilemma.  Reviewing to whom they pray and the inner work of practicing prayer has provided them a way to move out of this dilemma into a more powerful personal prayer practice.

Types of Prayer

Rabbi Marc Gellman says, “When you come right down to it, there are only four basic prayers. Gimme! Thanks! Oops! and Wow!” (Quoted in a recent NY Times article on prayer by Zev Chafets) 

Gellman goes on to explain: “Wow! are prayers of praise and wonder at the creation. Oops! is asking for forgiveness. Gimme! is a request or a petition. Thanks! is expressing gratitude. That’s the entire Judeo-Christian doxology. That’s what we teach our kids in religious school.” 

I find these categories very useful in understanding how we do and can use prayer.  As you reflect on your own relationship with prayer, it may be useful to pay attention to the kinds of prayer that are most common and spontaneous for you.  Reflection may also lead to a curiosity about practicing a kind of prayer that is different for you, that is new, experimenting with how this might feel. For instance, I have spent much time cultivating gratitude within by intentionally offering prayers of gratitude in addition to those that might spontaneously arise.  For me and others,counting blessings in a heartfelt and grateful way can lead to an overall increase in a sense of well-being and optimism. It has also led, for me, to an increase in my sense of awe, and the spontaneous “Wow” prayers. 

Practicing prayers of forgiveness, the “Oops” prayers, is a powerful antidote to the deadening power of guilt.  It is by bringing the request for forgiveness into a sacred dialogue that the guilt can be moved out of the internal isolation in which it has housed itself.

The Practice of Prayer

I hope this discussion will prompt you to review the practice of prayer in your own life. Here are a few questions that may be useful to contemplate:

• To whom, or what, do you pray?
• What circumstances have prompted spontaneous prayers to arise in your heart?
• What types of prayer, if any, did you learn as a child?
• What types of prayer are you most likely to practice as an adult?
• Are you drawn to praying alone? With others?  Silently? Aloud?
• What does prayer mean to you?
• Is there a way you practice prayer through movement or a particular kind of activity?
• What have been, or might be, the fruits of the practice of prayer in your life?

“The function of prayer is not to influence God,

but rather to change the nature of the one who prays.”

~ Soren Kierkegaard

~  Action On PurposeChallenge  ~

1. I invite you to contemplate one or more of the questions I pose in the Practice of Prayer section above.

 

2. If you feel so moved, try on refreshing or expanding your personal practice of prayer.

 

~  In the News  ~

Action-On-Purpose-Coaching-Special– 50% off coaching fees to new clients signing up before December 31, 2009!

I am thrilled that more and more folks are joining the community of readers for my newsletter, and in appreciation, I am offering a half-price discount to readers who commit to a coaching contract with me before the end of 2009.  It’s been a tough economic year for so many, so if you’ve been thinking about hiring a coach, and you like what you read in this newsletter,  this is a great time to take the leap!  To take advantage of this offer, contact me at Natalie@EldridgeWorks.com and mention the half-price coaching discount!

Next Steps - Want to get going on a plan for the kind of life you want to lead in the future? The 2Young2Retire course can help. A certified facilitator, I offer the course by tele-conference.  If you are interested in more information about the course and updates on the time and starting date, go to http://actiononpurpose.com/2008/04/30/boomers--whats-next-for-you.aspx

Care to Comment? Would you like to share your kind words about Natalie's coaching, facilitating, speaking or writings?  If so, please send them to Testimonials@EldridgeWorks.com.  We gratefully welcome your comments.

At www.EldridgeWorks.com, my virtual professional home, you will find information about coaching and psychotherapy services, as well as more about me.  I would love to hear your comments about the website, or the Action on Purpose newsletter. Contact me at Natalie@EldridgeWorks.com.