January - 2010

Dear Friend,

Happy New Year!  Nowis the time to review and revitalize the goals and aspirations you have held inthe past.  Rather than beat yourself upabout unmet goals, recall these goals with gentle curiosity - then either putthem aside or breathe new life into them! Read on for specific ideas for accomplishing this. 

I have been breathing new life into my goal of developingtraining in relational mindfulness. Along with some awesome colleagues, I am offering a new workshop inMarch – see details in the News section below.

The purpose of this newsletter is to share with you simpleand effective tools for personal, spiritual and professional growth.  I have used these tools in my own life, so Iknow their power as well as their challenges. I have also utilized them in more than thirty years of professional workwith others as a life coach, educator and psychotherapist.  I offer them to you to try, adapt, andpractice as methods to nurture your own growth.

Please send this issue to any friends who might beinterested.  Also, I would welcome yourthoughts or comments on this newsletter. Have a great month!

Warmly,

Natalie

Natalie@EldridgeWorks.com

P.S.  Interested insome support in clarifying your purpose or taking action on your purpose?  Contact me for a complimentary coaching callto explore whether coaching could help you reach your goals! 

“Our greatest glory is not in never falling,

but in getting up every time we do.”

~ Confucius

The transition from one year to the next brings a time of both celebration and reflection.  The last newsletter focused on where you have been in the last year – What have you gained? What have you lost? What have you learned?  This month, we look ahead to the hopes and dreams of the coming year.  What do you want to accomplish, change, develop, or renew in the year ahead?  Read on to learn one way to ground your goals in what you really care about, down deep, and how you can apply that in the most challenging situations you face in your current life.

Aspirations and Resolutions

Perhaps you aspire to fly among the stars, so you resolve to study hard in science classes to make the dream of becoming an astronaut more possible.  You might aspire to play professional sports, train for the Olympics, or become a super model, so you resolve to keep to a rigorous training schedule and eat as healthy as you can in the weeks and months ahead.  Maybe you aspire to live in a mindful and compassionate manner, to live up to some personal ideal of how to be in the world, so you resolve to practice these virtues in some specific way this year. Aspirations arise from the heart and the creative imagination, while our resolutions are concrete promises we make to ourselves to help us move toward those aspirations.  Too often, I think, we make resolutions that are ungrounded in our true aspirations – and then feel badly when we don’t adhere to them.

Aspirations are like breathing in, inspiring and bringing life to us.  (Indeed, the word aspiration has its root in the breathing process!)  Resolutions are like breathing out, formal statements of our intention or plan of action, which are actions in and of themselves. Both are important and work in tandem to move us forward.

This year, I sat down on New Year’s morning and did a review of past goals I’ve made, noting what are the recurrent ones each year, which ones I’ve made progress on and which ones seem to act as place-holders.  I also reflected on the source of my goals. What are the consistent aspirations that keep arising in me as I set goals for the future?  What goals come out of a“should,” a sense of obligation to others or to an ideal that no longer feels central to who I am today?

Identifying Aspirations

Of course, knowing your true aspirations is often not easy.  Here are a few of the responses that can cloud our vision:

·        Fear – This is the biggest obstacle, which may manifest as Uncertainty, Anxiety, or Avoidance – “I really don’t have any passions.” Or “My interests keep changing, so I never stay interested in one thing long enough to develop it.” 

·        Judgment – “My interests are so selfish – I should have a passion that involves addressing world problems such as global warming, hunger, or war.”

·        Comparison – “I haven’t identified passions in the same way as Mary or Bill; they are each very articulate and acting on their passions.”

There are many ways to identify aspirations, and they all involve some kind of self-exploration - getting to know yourself better or in a new way.  Seeking help from a professional coach or a therapist can be very useful in this process, especially if you find you are stuck in your own attempts to identify what your passions or aspirations are. You may be able to explore this on your own, perhaps using a book or an online guide or talking it through with a friend who listens well.  Here is one tool that I have found useful over the years that you can adapt for your use.

1.     Set aside some time for reflection and come up with a list of times in your life when you have felt passionate, involved, and inspired.  Each could be a single moment, a class you took, a fulfilling work experience, an adventure of some kind, a relational connection with someone, or a book/film you experienced that really spoke to you in a deep way…. Make sure you write this list down and keep it for future use.

2.     Pick one example from this list, and reflect on it quietly for a time.  Put yourself back in that situation or moment, allowing yourself to feel it again.

3.     After some time in this contemplation, allow a word or phrase to arise that, for you, captures your experience in this situation.

4.     This word, or phrase, then becomes a way for you to articulate, for yourself, a personal aspiration. You can use it as a reminder phrase that links a meaningful experience in your past with the way you aspire to live in the future. 

I could give you examples of what words people have come up with using this exercise, such as “wholeness,” “hawk,” “free,” “a peaceful winter day,” or “greatness.”  However, these words and phrases do not elicit in anyone else the same inner experience they recall for the authors.  This is precisely what I like about using this exercise - it asks us to identify an ideal or aspiration based on what we have already experienced or touched within ourselves. 

Beginning your construction of goals or resolutions with remembering one of the most integrated, passionate, or meaningful experiences of your life can help you avoid the obstacle of comparison, and maybe even circumvent some fear.  What you aspire to is something you have already known – an aspiration that is grounded in your own unique experience.

If you find yourself getting stuck with this exercise, perhaps it would be useful to have someone else guide you through it.  If you want to explore your aspiration more, try talking through your ideas and feelings about why this experience or moment felt so engaging or fulfilling to you. Again, talking to a professional coach, a trusted friend or family member can give the exercise more depth and breadth.

Whether you have used this exercise, or have identified a deep-felt aspiration in some other way, we will look next at how to review and generate specific action goals.

Renewing Our Resolutions

Now is a good time to look back at your list of goals from a year ago, or last month, or many years ago. Do these still hold meaning for you now? Usually, the goals we have set in the past still have merit – it still seems like a good idea to lose 10 pounds, to meditate every day for 15 minutes, or to increase our annual income.  But are these action steps grounded in our current aspirations or passions?

Try creating a file for “Good Aspirations to Take Up Again Sometime,” and taking those former resolutions or goals out of the current file.  Here is a different process for generating goals designed to help you toward your aspirations:

1.     Begin with identifying two or three challenges you anticipate in the coming year.  It might be useful to choose each from a different area of your life.  Some examples might include professional or work challenges such as increasing work demand or loss of job, relationship challenges with a coworker, a spouse, a child or a parent, health challenges, or personal challenges – loss of meaning, geographic move, changing relationships, etc.

2.     Choose one of the challenges you identified.  Take some time to reflect on it quietly.  Imagine yourself facing that challenge now, allowing yourself to feel whatever tension, excitement, fear, or frustration may arise.

3.     Recalling your aspiration, see what this particular challenge calls forth in you.  If your aspiration has to do with acceptance, for example, is there a way you could bring greater acceptance into this challenge? What would that mean in this particular situation – what specifically would help you live your aspiration as you face this challenge?

4.     You can return to other challenges you listed in step one and use the same sequence – coming up with specific goals that pertain to specific areas of your life, or challenges you anticipate.

There are, of course, many ways to set goals for the future.  This essay has focused on one way to ground your goals in what you really care about and then apply that aspiration in the most challenging situations you face in your current life.  Some of the goals you come up with could be radically different from your standard, annual goals.  Others may be similar or redundant.  In either case, may the goals you resolve to act upon today bring renewal to your deepest aspirations, and may your passions within breathe renewed life into your goals.

Happy Renewal!

~  Action On PurposeChallenge  ~

1.     Review your own goals or resolutions for the New Year.  Or, if you haven’t set some yet, use this as an opportunity to set some time aside to do this.

2.     Identify your deepest aspirations and put a word or phrase to them using the exercise above.

3.     Set some concrete goals for what you aspire to do or practice in the coming year.  Find a way to set goals that specifically link your aspirations or ideals to the challenges at hand in your life now.

4.      As always, write these down so you can refer back to them in the future.

I Am Running into a New Year

i am running into a new year
and the old years blow back
like a wind
that i catch in my hair
like strong fingers like
all my old promises and
it will be hard to let go
of what i said to myself
about myself
when i was sixteen and
twenty-six and thirty-six
even thirty-six but
i am running into a new year
and i beg what i love and
i leave to forgive me

~ Lucille Clifton from

Good Woman: Poems and a Memoir1969-1980

~  In the News  ~

Relational Mindfulness Workshop – Jan Surrey and I will again be leading a day-long workshop for therapists and other care-givers on Relational Mindfulness practices and concepts on March 27, 2010.  We’ll be joined by Judy Jordan and Amy Banks of the Jean Baker Miller Training Institute to deepen our exploration of the union of Buddhist Psychology, Neurobiology, and Relational-Cultural Theory. We’ll also lead practices designed to enhance relational awareness and presence.  Please consider joining me for this powerful experience!  For more information: http://www.jbmti.org/content/view/1710/326/

Next Steps - Want to get going on a plan for the kind of life you want to lead in the future? Contact me for a complimentary coaching call to explore whether coaching could help you reach your goals!  Natalie@EldridgeWorks.com

Care to Comment? - Have a comment about Natalie's coaching, facilitating, speaking or writings?  If so, please send them to Testimonials@EldridgeWorks.com.  We gratefully welcome your comments.

At www.EldridgeWorks.com, my virtual professional home, you will find information about coaching and psychotherapy services, as well as more about me.  I would love to hear from you about the website, or the Action on Purpose newsletter.  Contact me at Natalie@EldridgeWorks.com.