Action On Purpose

Training, Trust & Triumph

Natalie Eldridge — Mon, 08 Mar 2010 21:38:00 GMT

March - 2010

Dear Friends,

The recent Winter Olympics in Vancouver are still on my mind as March rushes forward. Though I enjoyed watching certain events, I was most inspired by the stories of the athletes - their focus on achieving a personal best performance despite incredible challenges and setbacks. These stories have inspired the article below in this issue of Action on Purpose.

Check out my upcoming workshop on Relational Mindfulness in March here. Along with some awesome colleagues, I’ll offer training in enhancing mindful presence and compassionate connection.

The purpose of this newsletter is to share with you simple and effective tools for personal, spiritual and professional growth. I have used these tools in my own life, so I know their power as well as their challenges. I have also utilized them in more than thirty years of professional work with others as a life coach, educator and psychotherapist. I offer them to you to try, adapt, and practice as methods to nurture your own growth.

Please send this issue to any friends who might be interested. Also, I would welcome your thoughts or comments on this newsletter. Have a great month!

Warmly,

Natalie

Natalie@EldridgeWorks.com

P.S. Interested in some support in clarifying your purpose or taking action on your purpose? Contact me for a complimentary coaching call to explore whether coaching could help you reach your goals!

“Never underestimate the power of dreams and the influence of the human spirit.

We are all the same in this notion:

The potential for greatness lives within each of us.”

~ Wilma Rudolph

The Olympic Games have always been a source of great inspiration, for me and for many throughout the world. Not generally a sports spectator, I am drawn to the stories of the athletes themselves – of their commitment to their dreams and the rigors of training, of their nurturing of trust in themselves while navigating the unpredictable landscape of defeat and triumph. These stories are the inspiration for my thoughts on the connection between training, trust and triumph for each of us in our lives.

One story that has stayed with me through the years is Wilma Rudolph’s. Born the 20th of 22 children in the segregated south of 1940, she was a premature and sickly child, denied the kind of medical care available to her white peers. She was nursed and educated at home by her mother and encouraged by her older siblings. When she was diagnosed with polio and told she would never walk again, her mother found a black medical school 50 miles away that would treat her, taking her there twice a week until she could walk without the aid of crutches, braces, or corrective shoes. By age 12, Wilma could walk normally, and decided then to pursue her dream of becoming an athlete.

She became a basketball star on her high school team, after waiting on the bench to play in a game for 3 years of junior high. She was discovered by the coach of the women's track team at Tennessee State University, and began to train in track at the summer sports program there, since her high school didn’t have the funds for a track team. She went to her first Olympics in 1956 at the age of 16, winning a bronze in the 4x4 relay.

On September 7th, 1960, in Rome, Wilma became the first American woman to win 3 gold medals in the Olympics. She won the 100-meter dash, the 200-meter dash,and ran the anchor on the 400-meter relay team. Wow – what a story!

“I ran and ran and ran every day,

and I acquired this sense of determination,

this sense of spirit that I would never,

never give up, no matter what else happened.”

~ Wilma Rudolph

Training

Wilma’s story certainly illustrates the critical foundation of training in reaching dreams. She learned from her mother that she could overcome the physical expectations consigned to her by others. Her mother provided persistent nursing care for Wilma from birth, then daily physical therapy, until Wilma grew into a robust 12-year-old able to go to junior high school. There is something about the effort, and the miracle of that effort, that carried on into Wilma’s training as an athlete. It was not her triumphs that propelled her to the Olympic stage, but the way she dealt with obstacles and defeats – with patience, persistence, and trust in her abilities to improve, grow stronger, and to constantly raise the bar on what her body, mind and spirit together could achieve.

Training is something we do every day, whether we are conscious of it or not. We might be training ourselves to ignore or to desensitize ourselves to certain things while we are developing our focus on other aspects of life. The demands of modern life are constant, and it is easy to allow the external pressures to dictate our priorities and focus. This is why developing a daily practice of reflection, a time to reflect on our day and our lives, is so important. It is here that we can reinforce, or train ourselves, in the intentions and priorities we have set for ourselves in life.

What kind of training does your life and lifestyle provide you? What do you want to be in training for?

“Self-trust is the first secret of success.”

~ Ralph WaldoEmerson

Trust

So how does one develop the kind of trust and confidence that brings success? In Wilma’s story,we see the loving and industrious family which surrounded and nourished her throughout her childhood. There is nothing that nourishes confidence as much as someone placing their trust in us –believing in our potential and investing in it! Who are the people or communities that have nourished you in this life? Do you have a community of supporters now who believe in you?

Believing, or trusting, in oneself is a challenge for many. Sometimes there have been few supporters in the past, or the critical supporters have been lost. Sometimes we can feel overwhelmed by new or unexpected challenges, and our trust weakens. Taking on some “trust training” may be an important next step. Use of an affirmation, along with daily repetition and reinforcement, is a powerful training tool. But as with Wilma learning how to walk, and then to run, and then to compete – it takes time, patience, and persistent effort.

A community of support is the best antidote to failure in this regard. Finding others who will support your practice and training, even when you lose site of the goal, is imperative. This support may be found in friends, family members, a coach, a therapist, a religious group, a book group, a 12-step program, teachers of various kinds. Perhaps the source of such support is not yet obvious in your life. Then make this an intention – to find such support – and affirm the importance of this search even when you don’t know where you will find the support you need.

“I learned that courage was not the absence of fear,

but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid,

but he who conquers that fear."

~ Nelson Mandela

Triumph

We know of Wilma’s story because of her public triumphs at the Olympic games. But these are not her only, nor perhaps her greatest triumphs. Overcoming multiple illnesses and disability were also triumphs. Yet the triumphs that inspire me most about Wilma, and many other Olympians, have to do with the capacity to see the possibility beyond the current reality, while engaging fully and productively with the current reality. It is not allowing fear, or doubt, or frustration to overcome the dream. It is summed up in her words, “The potential for greatness lives within each of us.”

One way I have found to inspire “the audacity of hope” is to review my own life for the moments of triumph, however private or small. By celebrating these, and seeing the effort and defeat that laid the groundwork for these triumphs, I can bring new perspective to my current life. I invite you to identify your own triumphs, record them in some way, share them with someone else, and celebrate your own gold medal moments!

~ Action On Purpose Challenge ~

Take time today to reflect on what capacity, skill, or attitude you wish to develop in yourself. Is there more you could be doing each day to train yourself in this? Do you need support to develop this further?

· Write down the steps you could take to improve your training.

· Pick a next step, and share it with someone you have identified as a supporter.

· Trust in yourself and the potential for triumph, and walk forward with persistence and conviction!

“The triumph cannot be had without the struggle.

And I know what struggle is.

I have spent a lifetime trying to share what it has meant

to be a woman first in the world of sports

so that other young women have a chance to reach their dreams.”

~ Wilma Rudolph

~ In the News ~

Relational Mindfulness Workshop – Jan Surrey and I will again be leading a day-long workshop for therapists and other care-givers on Relational Mindfulness practices and concepts on March 27, 2010 in Wellesley, MA. We’ll be joined by Judy Jordan and Amy Banks of the Jean Baker Miller Training Institute to deepen our exploration of the union of Buddhist Psychology, Neurobiology, and Relational-Cultural Theory. We’ll also lead practices designed to enhance relational awareness and presence. Please consider joining me for this powerful experience! For more information: http://www.jbmti.org/content/view/1710/326/

Next Steps - Want to get going on a plan for the kind of life you want to lead in the future? Contact me for a complimentary coaching call to explore whether coaching could help you reach your goals! Natalie@EldridgeWorks.com For a great list of readings and resources, go to http://www.lifeplanningnetwork.org/index.cfm?action=main.resources

Care to Comment? - Have a comment about Natalie's coaching, facilitating, speaking or writings? If so, please send them to Testimonials@EldridgeWorks.com. We gratefully welcome your comments.

At www.EldridgeWorks.com, my virtual professional home, you will find information about coaching and psychotherapy services, as well as more about me. I would love to hear from you about the website, or the Action on Purpose newsletter. Contact me at Natalie@EldridgeWorks.com.

Seven Steps for Successful Sleep

Natalie Eldridge — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 22:03:00 GMT

February - 2010

Dear Friend,

Winter is a time of hibernation. What time could be better to review the importance of sleep in our lives and ensure we are getting what we need? So fix a cup of Sleepytime tea to enjoy with this month’s Action on Purpose…

Check out my upcoming workshop on Relational Mindfulness in March here. Along with some awesome colleagues, I’ll offer training in enhancing mindful presence and compassionate connection.

Please send this issue to any friends who might be interested. Also, I would welcome your thoughts or comments on this newsletter. Have a great month!

Warmly,

Natalie

Natalie@EldridgeWorks.com

P.S. Interested in some support in clarifying your purpose or taking action on your purpose? Contact me for a complimentary coaching call to explore whether coaching could help you reach your goals!

“Without enough sleep,

we all become tall two-year-olds.”

~ Jo-Jo Jensen, DirtFarmer Wisdom

Sleep is a cornerstone of our health and well-being. Yet millions of people don’t get enough, resulting in such problems as daytime sleepiness, poor decision-making, interference with learning and accidents. According to the National Sleep Foundation, more than 60 percent of adults experience a sleep problem several times per week. Inadequate or poor quality sleep exacerbates most other problems we face, so let’s take a look at how we can maintain habits that support successful sleep.

Even for people who generally sleep well, maintaining good sleep habits can be difficult in times of stress or transition. It is easy for bedtime to get later and later as we scramble to complete necessary tasks, or deal with unexpected demands. We can easily recover if we get adequate sleep for the next couple nights. However, when our sleep time gets diminished for several nights in a row, we begin to experience sleep deprivation, resulting in increasing irritability, lowered immunity to disease, and reduced capacity to cope with the continuing demands and stresses of life.

What is Enough Sleep?

The amount of sleep needed varies by individual, by age, and by lifestyle conditions such as overall health, amount of exercise and stress. Due to this variance, it is important to clarify your own needs and to reassess this as your environmental or physical conditions change. On average, adults seem to need between 7-8 hours a night. We may need more, however, when our sleep is interrupted often (as with parents of infants), because this affects the quality of our sleep. Older adults may need a mid-day nap added to their regular nighttime sleep, as elderly people tend to spend very little time in deep sleep and are more easily aroused or awakened.

It is interesting to note that teens need much more sleep than they typically get – about nine hours/night. Teens’ biological clocks are geared to keep them up later in the evening and to wake them later in the morning. So a teen may find a 10:00 pm bedtime feels too early to her body, while the early wake time required by school feels like the middle of the night. "Almost all teen-agers, as they reach puberty, become walking zombies because they are getting far too little sleep," comments Cornell University psychologist James B. Maas, PhD, one of the nation's leading sleep experts. In fact, this research has led to a re-evaluation of the start time of schools in many states, including Massachusetts. Read more about the rising concern about teens and sleep: http://www.apa.org/monitor/oct01/sleepteen.aspx

Regardless of your age, if you are consistently waking up groggy and exhausted, that’s a signal that you may need to up your sleep intake. Noting how many hours you sleep when you allow yourself to wake naturally, without an alarm clock, can often suggest the number of hours you need. However, this assessment doesn’t work if you are coming off a time of too little sleep, as you will sleep more than your average daily need in order to catch up.

Seven Steps for Successful Sleep

Step One - Regulate your Sleeping Schedule

The goal with this step is to come up with a bedtime and a wakeup time that can remain consistent throughout your week, and then to adhere to this schedule. If you have a regular work schedule, this is relatively easy. Perhaps you need to get up by 7:00 am to get to work by 9:00 am. Then, work backwards from that 7:00 am wakeup time, counting out the number of hours you need on average each night. If you determine seven hours is enough, then your bedtime would be midnight. If eight hours is optimal for you, falling asleep at 11:00 pm each night becomes the goal. Clarifying what time you need to get to bed to get adequate sleep is an important step to getting the rest you need. Optimally, you will keep these same hours on days you do not go to work, as varying them drastically on weekends can lead to having to readjust at the beginning of the work week.

Daily schedules, however, can sometimes be rather inconsistent. A college student might have an 8:00 am class 3 times a week, and not have to be at class until 2:00 pm on the other days. Here, it takes more planning to establish a daily sleeping and waking time. The challenge is often compounded when the college student lives in a dormitory, where there are always other students awake late into the night and others up early. But the student who sleeps until noon every day, except when he has the 8 am class, is far more likely to miss that early class or sleep through it if he gets there. This can lead both to a deflated grade in the early morning class, as well as a reduction in the overall quality of sleep. The body gets confused as to when to be alert and when to be at rest.

When changing one’s sleep schedule, it takes from 1-2 weeks to establish a radically new one. A gradual change, such as going to bed 15 minutes earlier each night and waking up 15 minutes earlier each consecutive morning, is easier for the body to adapt to quickly. This method is recommended to get children (and adults) ready to return to the school schedule after an extended vacation.

Step Two - Develop a Relaxing Bedtime Routine

A consistent, relaxing routine before bed sends a signal to your brain that it is time to wind down, making it easier to fall asleep. You might read a light book or magazine, listen to soft music, or engage in a hobby that you find relieves stress. Perhaps a cup of herbal tea or a warm bath will help you relax. Laying out clothes or materials for the next day also signals your preparation to end your day.

Avoid stressful conversations in the hour before bedtime, either with a family member or someone on the phone. Also, avoid watching TV news or other programs that have violent or disturbing content.

Step Three - Optimize your Intake

The more healthy your diet, the better you sleep overall. A few specific points bear noting. Avoid eating a heavy or rich meal close to bedtime. It is best to have only a light snack if you are hungry late at night. Also, avoid caffeine after midday, as this has been shown to disturb sleep up to 10-12 hours afterwards. Remember that chocolate has caffeine, so lots of chocolate at night can affect the quality of your sleep.

Smokers, avoid smoking at night, as nicotine is a stimulant known to affect sleep. Also, heavy smokers experience some nicotine withdrawal during the night, which can affect the quality of sleep. Drinking alcohol also should be avoided for 2-3 hours before sleep. Though that nightcap may help you fall asleep, alcohol makes it much more likely that you will wake up during thenight.

Finally, taper off your liquid intake in the hour before bedtime so you don’t have to get up to go to the bathroom as often.

Step Four - Learn How to Reduce and Manage Stress

A major cause of insomnia is when the mind gets caught up in stress and worry as the body is finally at rest in bed. Managing stress with progressive relaxation or breathing techniques is very effective, though beyond the scope of this article. Cognitive techniques have also proved very effective in dealing with anxiety, such as imagining yourself in a familiar, peaceful place. The time to develop these skills, however, is not when you go to bed. Rather, make a space in your daytime schedule to learn these skills, and you can then apply them more effectively when needed at night. You might take a yoga class that is focused on stretching and relaxation, study meditation techniques, or enroll in a Mind/Body course through a local hospital or college. I also recommend some brief coaching or psychotherapy to learn specific techniques to help you sleep.

Step Five - Review Your Sleep Environment

Sometimes your sleeping space needs attention. Does the mattress need replacing, or bolstering, or softening? Do you have the right kind of pillows to make you comfortable in the way you like to sleep? Do you have enough room? Does the morning light awaken you before you are ready to get up? Addressing these things can make a sizable difference in your sleep quality.

Noises can also keep you awake. If you can’t control the source of a noise, then perhaps a white noise machine, or a pair of earphones plugged into some soothing music, can at least mask the noise intrusions.

Do you use your bedroom for anything except sleep (or sex)? If so, you may wish to reconsider this. Most sleep experts say to avoid watching television, using the computer, eating or working in your bedroom –save it for sleeping. Otherwise, your body learns to associate these more stimulating activities with the space, interfering with relaxation.

Step Six - Get Regular Exercise

Exercise is a powerful stress reducer and can relieve the tension and worry that inhibit sleep. It will also make you more physically tired, thereby assisting in falling asleep. Be careful about exercise right before bedtime, however. Most people report it energizes them just when they are trying to tell their bodies to relax and prepare for sleep.

Step Seven - Consult your Doctor

If implementing these suggestions does not result in successful sleep and feeling rested, please consult your doctor. Quality sleep is important, and there are many effective treatments that can help. Avoid treating chronic insomnia yourself with over-the-counter medications, as these can actually increase your sleeping problems or lead to addiction.

For more information on sleeping benefits and problems, visit the website of the National SleepFoundation.

~ Action On Purpose Challenge ~

Review your sleeping habits, and determine if you are getting the sleep you need. If you are not, then use the steps outlined above to improve your sleep today!

“And if tonight my soul may find her peace
in sleep, and sink in good oblivion,
and in the morning wake like a new-opened flower
then I have been dipped again in God, and new-created.”

~D.H. Lawrence

~ In the News ~

Relational Mindfulness Workshop – Jan Surrey and I will again be leading a day-long workshop for therapists and other care-givers on Relational Mindfulness practices and concepts on March 27, 2010. We’ll be joined by Judy Jordan and Amy Banks of the Jean Baker Miller Training Institute to deepen our exploration of the union of Buddhist Psychology, Neurobiology, and Relational-Cultural Theory. We’ll also lead practices designed to enhance relational awareness and presence. Please consider joining me for this powerful experience! For more information: http://www.jbmti.org/content/view/1710/326/

Care to Comment? - Have a comment about Natalie's coaching, facilitating, speaking or writings? If so, please send them to Testimonials@EldridgeWorks.com. We gratefully welcome your comments.